Point Out Other People’s Feelings
Pointing out the facial expressions, posture and mannerisms of people in different emotional states as well as their predicaments is beneficial: it helps your child tune into other people’s feelings. Once your child understand how the other person feels (she looks sad), he’ll be more likely to not only feel for that child but also be activated to do something to help.
Other ideas:
Stress that “helping” is part of your family values.
Do emphasize that you expect your child to help and encourage those caring efforts.
As occasions arise, explain your concern and what clues helped you make your feeling assessment: “Did you notice Sally’s face when you were playing today? I was concerned because she seemed worried about something. Maybe you should talk to her to see if she’s okay.”
Watch a television show without the sound and predict how the characters are feeling. It helps the child understand that emotion identification is comprised of facial expressions and body language.
Find children’s literature or magazines that have glorious photos of emotions. Help your child create feeling charts and collages.
Talk about feelings in your own family: “How does dad look? Do you think now is the best time to ask him for an increase in your allowance?”
Point out your own child’s feelings: “You look upset. I can tell because you have you hands in a fist and your back in crunched over. Want to talk?”
Switch Roles to Feel the Other Side
Michael was a student of mine who had difficulty understanding anyone else’s feelings but his own. One day he hurt another student’s feelings with his teasing, but I just couldn’t get him to understand how sad he’d made the other child. I spotted a wire hanger on the floor, quickly bent it into a large circle shape and improvised, “Michael, stick your head through the hole and pretend you’re Stevie and feel just like Stevie feels. I’ll be Michael.
I started the role play: Stevie, your haircut makes you look dumb.’ How do you feel, Stevie?”
By making Michael switch places and pretend to be Stevie he finally understood Stevie’s hurt. I used a wire hanger as a prop for Michael to use in role playing the other child’s point of view but there are other ideas:
You can help your younger child act out the other person’s perspective using puppets, dolls, or even toy action figures.
As kids get older you can just ask, “Switch places and take the other person’s side. How would you feel if you were in her place?” Just make sure you ask that question again and again!
You can also have your child actually sit in your seat (“Sit here a minute, Honey. I’ve been sitting here for the last two hours waiting for you to come home. Sit here to help you understand how you think I was feeling.”)
Imagine Someone’s Feelings
One way to help your child connect with the feelings of others is to have her imagine how the other person feels about a special situation.
Suppose your child just wrote a get well card to her Grandma. Use the moment to help her recognize her grandmother’s reaction when she receives the card by pretending she’s the other person. “Imagine you’re Grandma right now. You walk to the mailbox, and when you open it you find this letter. How will you feel?”
You later can expand the imagination game to include people your child has not personally met: “Imagine you’re a new student, and you’re walking into a brand new school and don’t know anyone. “How will you feel?”
Asking often, “How would you feel?” helps kids understand the feelings and needs of other people.
Create a Goodness Legacy for Your Child
Today more than ever, as our kids are often exposed to an unsetting world of violence, bullying and insensitivity, as must emphasize empathy.
I’m convinced that understanding how someone else feels may well be the antidote that will help our children live in a more tolerant world.
The best news is empathy can be cultivated. What better legacy to give your child: the gift of a strong and caring heart that you have helped to nurture?
It’s a gift that will keep on giving—your children will pass on to their children-and to theirs, and you’ve touched their future world.
After all, you are your child’s most influential moral teacher, so use your influence wisely.
Be the moral, caring example you want your child to copy.
Let your child experience and witness empathy from you!
